What women want

For men.... of all nationalities, race, color, etc. A short crash course in the etiquette of dealing with a woman.
This is by no means an exhaustive list and would definitely not reflect what ALL women want (depends on whether you are a feminist, or the extreme... subservient to the male opinon, or NORMAL).

1. Sincerity and honesty. It is simple really. If you are looking for a fling just tell her! No flowery lies, no promises for the future. You will be surprised at the number of women who may agree to your debaucherous proposal. Trust me its easier to be honest than deal with all the tears and guilt later... Plus most of us can spot deception a mile away!

2. Don't tell her she looks fat in that new outfit! I know I know she doesn't want you to lie but she doesn't want to take the truth either. But thats where all your creative abilities can be used! Instead of humming and hawwing your way through (which by the way screams " YOU DONT LOOK SO GREAT) or the off handed " You look fine honey", try something that reflects at least partially how you feel. Don't lie outright " You look like a luminous angel" will probably elect a suspicious glance from her. But "hot, gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, amazing" are some good alternatives that you can use. Be sure to use a different one every time this scary question is put forth to you because you know that she will remember what comment you made on each occasion. And its not like you are lying to her... I mean at some point you must have found her all or one of those things...errr..right?

3. Breakfast in bed (I don't think any kind of woman would contest this!)

4. Remember birthday & wedding anniversaries (very important), and all the other small anniversaries that I know hold no importance to you but do mean a LOT to her (first time you held hands, kissed, "made love" sic, picked her up from the airport, bought her a box of tampons (what can I say .... lots of neurotic, psycho women out there!). It is not that difficult. A number of websites actually offer to remind you not once, not twice but three times in that week, the day before and on that day!! I mean you need a lobotomy if you forget her birthday after three freaking reminders!

5. Jewelry. Low maintainance women are happy with a gold band...high maintainance gal? You are in trouble. She firmly believes in the De Beers " Diamonds are forever" motto. You may think diamonds are forever a cause for bankruptcy but come on! You can shell out a little more for that birthday present can't ya??

In a perfect world.....

1. The last key in a bunch of keys would NOT be the one you are looking for (while carrying 15 bags of groceries all about to tear open, your purse, cell phone, sun glasses, bottle of water, and CD case). Would be the very first key....
2. Your lane wouldn't be the slowest (read come to a dead stop) & as soon as you changed lanes to the apparently faster moving one it wouldn't automatically& inevitably assume tortoise mobility.
3. You wouldn't develop a monstrous zit on your nose on the day of an important presentation (happened to D today, a colleague of mine).
4. You wouldn't EVER have bad hair days or as I call it Frizzo- shit days.
5. Your computer wouldn't crash just as soon as you finished working on the LAST draft of that almost there Nobel Prize winning paper.
6. It would rain when the weather man said it would (sic).
7. I would write a blog more regularly
8. I would have taken my board exams already AND passed with flying colors!
(You can tell its getting personal ... :-)
9. Getting stuck in elevators with morons wouldn't be an ordinary event.
10. I would meet a guy who is not a jerk, not a moron, not commitment phobic, not mind numbingly boring, not just looking for a fling .... the list goes on and on