For The Little Ones Of This World

Anou from Project Why wrote back to me today. We have been in touch quite regularly over the past few months. And the more I read about the kids and the work she is doing, the more beloved the project is to me. Today I read about Nanhe. Nanhe means "little one" in Hindi. A nickname commonly used for the youngest in the family. As Anou said the dear child doesn't even have a real name. He is stuck with a nickname and a life that promises nothing except suffering.

Nanhe is a little boy with multiple disabilities, father died early, mom manages him and 2 other diasbled siblings. He probably will not have a happy life since he is afflicted with so many problems. But to look at him smile in that photo...It is difficult to write about it without tearing up. I read about him and think about the millions of other kids who are in such terrible circumstances, poverty, hunger, abuse, things that no child should ever have to face.

And then I think about the vacation that my family is planning.. 50,000 rupees for a 5 day vacation. It seems so frivolous. When there is so much need in this world, it just seems like an incredible amount of money to spend on a holiday. I know I cannot help every kid in this world, or stop living or stop spending money on clothes etc. I am practical in that sense. At the same time, reading my brother's email about beaches and sunshine and fancy hotels and then reading about Nanhe... there is really no comparison.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but today is one of the days when I question what I have accomplished until now. Apart from academics, what do I have to show? It is one of those days when I feel like dropping everything and moving to India. To do something that makes sense in my life. Something that would make this a better place for the Nanhes of this world.

About Christmas and warm fuzzy feelings...

Yesterday I went over to D's place to help her decorate her Christmas tree. She is one of sweetest, most generous people I have met. I have noticed that you can tell a lot about people a) by their handshake and b) by their hugs :). If its a limp handshake then there is a distinct feeling of nausea and an urge to go wash your hands (sometimes their palms are damp.. yech!).

Hugs are similar, lots of people hug for the sake of the gesture, its like saying "take care" . The gesture is so common now that for most people its automatic, they say it or do it without really thinking about it. Well you don't HAVE to hug or say take care to show you care.... but anyway that's a tirade reserved for later. So getting back to the topic, most people give you a hug which is really not even a hug. For people who are really uncomfortable like P a friend of mine, he will kind of come close to you, there is this awkward moment when I don't know whether he is going to put his arm around my shoulder, or whack me over the head, he leans close for a one millisecond and that's it. The second and the worst kind is what looks like an actual embrace with a ten feet distance between the rest of the body parts. Its equivalent to the limp handshake. You end up feeling a wave of sympathy for people with leprosy, you also end up feeling like either you need to rush to the pharmacy and buy another (better) anti perspirant, surreptitiously check for bad breath, or whack the person over the head.

So coming back to D, I adore her hugs. They are perfect. Her hugs are all embracing, bone crushing, diaphragm squeezing, lifting you off the ground, leaving you gasping for breath hugs. It was great to see her again and hug her again :). Since this was my first time decorating a Christmas tree, I was very excited.More than me, D's beagle, a little adorable dog called Shelby was excited. For the first 30 mins she RACED across her house going at least at 30 miles/per hour. After that she took to following me around and standing right behind me so I narrowly missed tripping over her several times.

Minutes later D's best friend M comes, slams the door, she is in a foul mood, had a big fight with her step daughter. she leaves her dog Burt and goes off for a "walk". Now Burt is a boxer with black (my fav color) fur but the monotony is broken by 4 adorable paws that are white :) and right below his chin he had a tiny white beard. Burt has the saddest most adorable soulful eyes I have seen in a dog. You feel like giving away everything you have as soon as you look in to them. Very soon they both decided that the best way to pass time would be to attack me in a joint manoeuvre, with Shelby in the back and this huge giant boxer jumping towards me from the front. I was tackled to the ground within seconds. D was obviously enjoying the view from the sidelines.

We order in Chinese food, Denise tastes tofu for the first time, and gags :) which I thought was hilarious. An hour later M is not back, and we were both worried about her. Finally she calls and we convince her to come over. SHE then tastes the tofu and gags…..heheh.. we were in splits. Then she started talking about the fight, I was a tad uncomfortable since I don't know her very well, but oh well... she looks at me and goes " do u have children?"
Avni: " Well errrr. I am still single",
M: DO NOT have children!! They are a pain in the ASS!
Avni: Ok M whatever you say.
M: Oh My GOD! what if I get pregnant! Silence Silence.....
M" Wait a minute you need to have sex to get pregnant. Never mind then"
(Tmi... M.. Tmi!)
We all look at each other and then burst out laughing. By then M and I had bonded enough and had a great time making fun of D's OCDness .
So every decoration of D has a story behind it. The one that I loved was given by D's grandfather to her grandmother, this little black plate with the words written on it:
Grow Old Along With Me The Best Is Yet To Be

Two simple lines but beautifully written. So coming back to the Christmas tree, we first made some egg nog, added a splash of whiskey, put on some old old Christmas songs and started putting up decorations. It was warm and cozy.. the two dogs sleeping next to us, snow outside, it was perfect. It was one of the best evenings I have spent in a long time.

What women want

For men.... of all nationalities, race, color, etc. A short crash course in the etiquette of dealing with a woman.
This is by no means an exhaustive list and would definitely not reflect what ALL women want (depends on whether you are a feminist, or the extreme... subservient to the male opinon, or NORMAL).

1. Sincerity and honesty. It is simple really. If you are looking for a fling just tell her! No flowery lies, no promises for the future. You will be surprised at the number of women who may agree to your debaucherous proposal. Trust me its easier to be honest than deal with all the tears and guilt later... Plus most of us can spot deception a mile away!

2. Don't tell her she looks fat in that new outfit! I know I know she doesn't want you to lie but she doesn't want to take the truth either. But thats where all your creative abilities can be used! Instead of humming and hawwing your way through (which by the way screams " YOU DONT LOOK SO GREAT) or the off handed " You look fine honey", try something that reflects at least partially how you feel. Don't lie outright " You look like a luminous angel" will probably elect a suspicious glance from her. But "hot, gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, amazing" are some good alternatives that you can use. Be sure to use a different one every time this scary question is put forth to you because you know that she will remember what comment you made on each occasion. And its not like you are lying to her... I mean at some point you must have found her all or one of those things...errr..right?

3. Breakfast in bed (I don't think any kind of woman would contest this!)

4. Remember birthday & wedding anniversaries (very important), and all the other small anniversaries that I know hold no importance to you but do mean a LOT to her (first time you held hands, kissed, "made love" sic, picked her up from the airport, bought her a box of tampons (what can I say .... lots of neurotic, psycho women out there!). It is not that difficult. A number of websites actually offer to remind you not once, not twice but three times in that week, the day before and on that day!! I mean you need a lobotomy if you forget her birthday after three freaking reminders!

5. Jewelry. Low maintainance women are happy with a gold band...high maintainance gal? You are in trouble. She firmly believes in the De Beers " Diamonds are forever" motto. You may think diamonds are forever a cause for bankruptcy but come on! You can shell out a little more for that birthday present can't ya??

In a perfect world.....

1. The last key in a bunch of keys would NOT be the one you are looking for (while carrying 15 bags of groceries all about to tear open, your purse, cell phone, sun glasses, bottle of water, and CD case). Would be the very first key....
2. Your lane wouldn't be the slowest (read come to a dead stop) & as soon as you changed lanes to the apparently faster moving one it wouldn't automatically& inevitably assume tortoise mobility.
3. You wouldn't develop a monstrous zit on your nose on the day of an important presentation (happened to D today, a colleague of mine).
4. You wouldn't EVER have bad hair days or as I call it Frizzo- shit days.
5. Your computer wouldn't crash just as soon as you finished working on the LAST draft of that almost there Nobel Prize winning paper.
6. It would rain when the weather man said it would (sic).
7. I would write a blog more regularly
8. I would have taken my board exams already AND passed with flying colors!
(You can tell its getting personal ... :-)
9. Getting stuck in elevators with morons wouldn't be an ordinary event.
10. I would meet a guy who is not a jerk, not a moron, not commitment phobic, not mind numbingly boring, not just looking for a fling .... the list goes on and on

Heaven on earth

Flew to California last weekend. I had gone to visit someone who from now on shall be called "K". No need to be mysterious ...just to make it less complicated. The trip was absolutely great. One of those rare weekends when everything is perfect.... the weather is great, you don't have a bad hair day (consequently you dont look like the step sister of Attila the Hun), you get directions and you actually follow them for a change and you actually reach your destination for a change!

Now I have always wondered whether Americans find it easy to look at maps and figure out how to get to a place? Is it an immigrant tendency to get hopelessly lost EVERY single time they decide to venture forth outside Chinatown or Desiland? When I am going out with my fellow countrymen who are equally familiar with the city as I am... I am more or less convinced and most of the times right that if mapquest says its gonna take 2 hours then it will probably take a couple of Red Bulls and four hours to get there.

Anyways...to get back to my blog, we went hiking on to Mt Tamalpais (http://www.parks.ca.gov/default.asp?page_id=471) in San Francisco. On the way up the winding drive I didn't get the full impact of the view. I was too busy clutching the dasboard as cars hurtled towards us from the opposite direction.

Once we parked at the very top we began hiking and within the first ten minutes I came across one of the most gorgeous views that I have ever seen. Nature at its most spell binding..... all across me in a 360degree view there were rolling hills, green green grass, and gorgeous wild flowers. Far across you could see the Golden Gate bridge, the city and the bay's sparkling water circling around it. And beyond all the rolling hills you see the stunning Pacific Ocean... stretched right across the horizon. Every single color, whether it was the color of the sky, the ocean, the flowers or the grass seemed brighter and clearer than usual. The breeze was soft and gentle..the sunlight just enough to make you feel warm. All you could hear is the gentle rustling of the leaves and the grass playing against the wind. As we hiked across the mountain we thought the views couldn't get any better but every sight was more breathtaking than the previous one. We reached one particularly spectacular area after a long hike. We rolled into the grass soaking in the sunlight surrounded by nothing except butterflies, birds and wildflowers. It felt like we were the only two people on this planet. My idea of heaven just came true.......

Philadelphia! Here I come!!

Finally! My very first blog! As soon as I typed the first word "Finally" the internet got disconnected. Is that a sign? Probably so (since I write like crap anyway). Very apt considering the title of my blog is Serendipity. This is probably an omen for worse things to come like having every sadist in this world read my blog and inundate it with comments that would definitely not be complimentary. Or worse...that I would get roaring drunk and write a whole buncha things that I really shouldn't. About myself and about other people.

Which brings me to the question. How straightforward should one be? In my younger (and better??) days I used to be extremely direct ..... to the point of rudeness. But things changed. A few years ago I moved to Scotland. One of the first people I met at a wine and cheese party was a guy from Saudi Arabia. The first few minutes went well. We were all a pretty multicultural group with the "natives" being completely outnumbered by us international students. As we discussed countries and customs, I asked him what he thought of polygamy which was so rampant in his country. At that time I was quite naive. I was convinced that if this guy was intelligent enough to come to this country for a Masters then he probably would have strong ideas for a tradition that is frankly speaking extremely unfair. Turns out he DID have a strong opinion about it....he couldn't wait to marry four women! Obviously me being me I couldn't just accept the fact....I had to change his mind! Make him see the blatant unfairness of the situation!

"How would YOU feel if your wife was making out with different guys every day"?
"Well she wouldn't because she is MY wife and I would kill her before she ever thought of being unfaithful to me".
"Okay...........so put yourself in her position and see how she would feel".
He promptly responds" This is the right of the man".
"Err.... NO! If I were in her position I would probably castrate you, you jerk"!

This pretty much set the tone of the relationship between us for the rest of the year. He being from a male dominating society could not stand the fact that women have opinions. Me coming from a male dominated society with females getting better and better at dominating couldn't wait to shoot down his male ego. After five years of bickering we are now good friends. He isn't married yet. Says he is waiting for me to be his wife number one.....which always guarantees a thrashing from me! So this is an instance where being direct did not result in a catastrophe.

But there have been times when I have felt the need to zip those lips! Is it always good to be straightforward? Do you consider the other person's feelings which may be hurt sometime? Or is it better to speak your mind and walk off with that superior attitude of being honest?
Well I have digressed enough.

The whole point of writing this blog is because I am entering into a new zone in my life. Moving from the South to the East Coast. From hot to FRrrrrezing cold! And worst of all, from a student life to the dredging boring 9-5 life aka a JOB! Yikes!! I have avoided it as much as I could! For 26 years in fact. But it can no longer be avoided. sigh! Gone are the days of ragged jeans and torn sweatshirts. Of walking in to lab at mid day and working till midnight. Of wondering whether my 1985 Plymouth is going to make it to lab this morning. Of getting drunk on weekends....(wait a minute! I can still do that!).

This blog is meant to record this momentous event (??) of my life, among other things which probably are of no interest to anyone else except me when I am 60 years old (if I still care and I can still see). In the among other things category ...... I have realised that I don't think....just think about anything at all. I have opinions about the world, religion, books, music etc. But about myself..... what kind of a person am I? If asked to give a description about me I would be at a loss. Is that weird? Have I been too busy holed up in lab and in that lost touch with myself? I am hoping that this new phase in my life will give me some more time. To know ME.